Love and Lost
by A-Beauteous-Imperfection
Summary: The first sequel to Caged. If you didn't read Caged, it's going to be really confusing! Rated T just in case but there's probably not going to be anything bad in it.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Here is the first sequel to Caged (=

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS!

**Love and Lost **

Chapter One:

Casey laid back in her bed, still having flashbacks of what happened here not too long ago. She could feel the occasional salty tears filling up her eyes. She had two boxes of Kleenex on both sides of her body and dozens of dirty tissues scattered over the bed. It was 1 in the morning and she couldn't sleep. She had tried, but woke up screaming every time. Casey decided to get out of her apartment and get some fresh air but, she didn't know where she should go. 'Maybe I could go to John's, he wouldn't mind. But then he would ask what's wrong and I don't want to tell him about the pregnancy now. I could go to Olivia's, I don't mind telling her,' she thought. So, she did exactly that.

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"Casey, why are you here?" asked a sleepy Olivia. She had just fallen asleep when she heard a knock at her door. The knock caused her to panic and brought back terrible memories. But when she looked through the peephole, she only saw her friend Casey.

Casey swallowed as she entered Olivia's humble home. She hadn't thought how to tell her friend about a_ baby._ She felt her tears coming and didn't stop the urge this time. The tears rolled down her cheeks like an avalanche. Olivia saw Casey's tears and reached out to hold Casey. Casey shook her head and said, "No-No, Olivia-I can't-I can't do this."

Olivia looked confused at Casey and asked, "You can't do what?" Casey starred at Olivia with child-like eyes. Olivia smiled at Casey and said, "Casey, I'm like your big sister. You can tell me anything."

Casey curled her lips up into a smile and said, "Olivia, I'm pregnant." Olivia's mouth fell open and her mind went blank. She couldn't believe that Casey was _having a baby._ Casey got out of Olivia's arms and wiped the tears from her eyes. She rested her forehead on her hands and said, "How am I going to do this? How can I be a good mother to a baby? And more importantly, my rapist's baby?"

Olivia shrugged and said, "You'll find a way!"

Casey sighed, "A baby…Ugh, I'm screwed."

Olivia chuckled, "Casey, you need to sleep. I have a guest room that you can stay in for the night."

Casey grinned at Olivia and said, "Thanks."

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**Author's Note: I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING THIS SOONER! I HAD IT AND I JUST FORGOT ABOUT IT! AGAIN, I'M SO SORRY! );**


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Here is the first sequel to Caged (=

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS!

**Love and Lost **

Chapter Two:

The next day at work was one of the toughest for Casey Novak. She was constantly running to the bathroom and throwing up everything she ate. 'This sucks. The baby's not even born yet and it's already affecting my work…' she thought.

For the fourth time that day, she walked out of the restroom popping a breath mint into her mouth. She continued down the hallway looking at her feet until she was greeted by John.

"Hey Case, I've been looking for you," he said.

Casey smiled, "Really? I've just been out and about."

John crossed his arms, "I thought you were supposed to be at home for the rest of the week."

"I didn't want to; I insisted that I came in to work. Besides, I'm fine now," Casey said.

"You're fine?" His voice became quieter, "Casey you were…"

I sighed, "I know I was raped! I don't care anymore!"

John continued, "But come on Casey, you can't be fine."

Casey became angry, "What is that supposed to mean? You know what-Just-Just leave me alone!"

Casey pushed John out of the way and began wiping the tears out of her eyes. She opened the door to her office and slammed it behind her. Casey leaned against the wooden frame and slowly slid down until she hit the floor. She sat there, with her head in her hands. She didn't cry or talk. She just sat there silently for hours until her work day was over.

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The next day was easier than the last for Casey. In fact today was the day Casey would tell everyone about her pregnancy, including John. She woke up that morning and had the idea after looking in the mirror and saw a tiny bump that began to show. She put on her normal attire, a suit with a nice blouse on underneath and went to work. Casey then walked into the SVU squad room nervously.

"Case, what are you doing here?" asked Fin who was sitting in his chair apparently talking to Melinda who was sitting on top of his desk.

"I'm still your A.D.A., remember? Besides I got something to tell you…" Casey talked slowly and took a deep breath. She then looked over at Olivia who gave her an encouraging grin and gestured with hand hands to just get it over with.

John then walked through the double doors and said, "Guess what? Jacob Richardson is missing! Now we can't interrogate him again! I was so sure he was our guy too…"

Casey turned away from John and hung her head low. She was drawing circles with her feet and then mumbled, "I got to go…"

Melinda stood up off of Fin's desk and ran over to Casey. Melinda grabbed her arm which caused Casey to jump. Melinda immediately removed her hand and said, "Casey, are you okay? If not, you can talk to me."

Melinda smiled and Casey returned it before walking away and finally out of the doors.

John walked over to his desk and threw his papers down. "What was that about?" asked Elliot.

"I don't know, she's mad at me for some reason. Why?" asked John.

Elliot shrugged, "She had to tell us something."

"Oh," mumbled John. Everyone got back to work and continued their day like they normally did, getting justice for victims.

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Casey walked out of the double doors and felt her head throbbing. She got back into her office and sat down at her desk and had her hands on her already swollen belly. She then opened her laptop and began searching up local OBGYNs. After finding one only 2 miles away from her house she heard a knock at the door. "Come in…" she said quietly.

The door opened slowly and in came Melinda. "Hey Case, feeling better?"

Casey took her hands off her waist and replied, "Yeah, I guess. It's just-"

"The hormones?" asked Melinda.

Casey was startled, "You know? Did Olivia tell you?"

Melinda laughed, "Casey, I've seen a lot of pregnant women in my day. They were usually dead-but still. And also, I _was_ one."

Casey smiled and then sighed, "So, what do I do?"

Melinda shrugged, "Whatever you want to do. You could give it up for adoption or possibly keep the child."

Casey interrupted, "I definitely keeping the baby Melinda! I'll love it it's just…I don't know where to go from here. Like do I check out a bunch of books or do I go to some class or-"

"You'll know what to do. I did with Cara." Melinda stood up out of her chair and headed towards the door. "Take care," she said.

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Casey decided to take a cab home that night instead of walking and she got home 20 minutes earlier than she normally would have. She entered her apartment and locked all of the locks behind her, even the four new ones she got after the _incident. _She threw her stuff on the couch and walked into the guest bedroom. She'd never used it before except for the time a rape victim stayed in there after a death threat. She looked around the room and imagined in her mind the room turning into a baby's nursery. She wished she knew the baby's sex for the wall color, but she thought she would just paint it green and have it animal themed. But not a jungle green, a light green like the one she had when she was a child. She was lost in her thoughts until her cell began to ring. Casey ran to her purse and answered her phone.

"Hello?" she asked into the phone.

"Casey, can you hear me? We got a problem, a huge problem! Meet us down-on- the- rd- on-ton-street!" The phone cut off the last part but she could tell it was Olivia's voice.

"Olivia! Olivia where did you say I should I meet you?" Casey practically screamed in the phone. But it was too late, the phone call ended and Casey was left with all sorts of ideas in her mind of what happen.

Casey couldn't wait any longer so she decided to call John. She felt bad about earlier and wanted to apologize, but right now all she wanted was to figure out what had happened. The phone kept ringing and while it did Casey noticed her leg shaking ferociously. She placed her hand on her knee to stop the movement and her phone reached John's voicemail.

John's voice was heard, "Hi, you've reached the voicemail of John Munch. Leave a message after the beep with your name and-"

Casey hung up the phone and then decided to call Cragen. The phone rang twice before a deep voice answered the phone, "Hello? Who is this?"

"Captain! It's Casey, what's going on? Olivia told me there was a problem but I couldn't hear the address!" shouted Casey.

Cragen told her the address but not the problem which left Casey nervous and worried. Casey put her jacket back on and ran downstairs to the front entrance and out the front doors. She called for the nearest cab and hopped right in.

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After reaching the specified place, she thanked the cab driver and paid him with a twenty dollar bill right before almost leaping out of the car. She looked at the crowd of people who were huddling around something…She couldn't see what they were staring at so she ran up to the crowd but was stopped by Olivia. "Casey, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she said holding Casey's shoulders.

Casey kept trying to look around Olivia and asked, "But-What-What's going on?"

Olivia kept holding Casey away from the crowd but Casey managed to get out of her grasped. She ran through the crowd and up to the police tape where she saw him. It was John, he had two bullet holes in his chest and he was in a pool of blood. "No, no, no. This isn't possible, he has to be alive!" she shouted. She crawled under the police tape to run to John's body when a police officer ran in front of her.

"Whoa, what are you doing lady! You're not supposed to be here! Get back!" he shouted at her.

"No, I love him! He can't be dead!" continued Casey. Her head was spinning and her vision was becoming blurry. Everything went black and she couldn't see anymore. She fell forwards in the policeman's arms after falling into unconsciousness.

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**Author's note: Sorry I killed John. It felt wrong but also right at the same time…Weird uh? Anywho, I'm just about to start writing the Fin and Melinda one. It'll probably be out…eh…maybe Thursday or Friday. And the Elliot and Olivia one will probably be out Friday or Saturday. So yeah. OH! I'm writing a Harry Potter fanfic about Tonks and Remus in case you're interested. And, I can't wait until my BIRTHDAY! WOOHOO!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Here it is, the REAL chapter three! **

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS!**

**Love and Lost **

Chapter Three:

Casey shifted in the small hospital bed causing her blanket to fall off her shoulders. Olivia, who was in the chair next to her, pulled the blanket back up to its old spot. Olivia looked at her friend Casey, who was almost as white as the sheets on the bed. Olivia wasn't the only one in the room, sitting next to her was Elliot who had his arm on Olivia's back, and on the other side of the bed was Fin and Melinda. Melinda had her head on Fin's shoulder and seemed to have fallen asleep. The crew had been here for three hours already, which meant the tears had stopped falling but happiness hadn't come back yet.

There was a soft knock on the door and in came Cragen shutting the door quietly behind him. Whispering, he said, "The case is closed, Jacob Richardson was arrested. He'll be in prison for life, he confessed to murder. How is she?"

Elliot sat back in his chair and replied, "She's okay, but she almost had a stress induced miscarriage."

At first Cragen didn't understand, but then he said, "She was pregnant? Was-was it John's?"

Olivia shook her head, "No, they're Marcus Damon's…"

"They're? As in twins?" asked Cragen.

"Yep…" answered Fin still holding a sleeping Melinda.

"Oh. And they're okay now?" asked Cragen.

"Yeah…" replied Elliot. Nobody knew what to say in this awkward situation. They sat down silently and they each fell asleep one by one starting with Olivia and ending with Elliot.

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As the clock struck 2 'o clock, the very familiar nurse, Virginia, came in the room. "Hello!" she said. Her usual happy self made the SVU crew wake from their uneasy slumber.

"Well, well, well. I wasn't expecting her to be back so soon!" Virginia said pointing to Casey. "Ah, but you can't keep everyone safe. Anyways…My boss decided to tell me that we have too many people in this room and I have to shrink it down to two. Isn't that just awful? I mean if I were in the hospital, I'd want as many people with me as possible!" Her remarks were followed with several nods from everyone. She then continued, "Hey, I hope you don't mind me asking, but where is that man that was here the last time? You know, her _boyfriend_?"

Olivia shook in Elliot's arms, and Cragen decided to be the one to speak up, "He died."

Virginia stopped in her tracks, and her smile faded into nothingness. "Oh…I'm so sorry."

Cragen replied, "Yeah. We should let you work now. Olivia and Melinda you should stay, Elliot, Fin and I will leave."

Everyone did as they were told, although it was quite hard for Fin to get Melinda off him. Once Melinda left the comfort of Fin's shoulder, she woke up. "She's still asleep?" Melinda asked Olivia.

Olivia laughed, "Look who's talking! Once we got in the hospital, you fell asleep! At least Casey has the excuse of being loaded with drugs! How are you so tired?"

Melinda blushed, "I just am."

Virginia walked over to Casey and squeezed her hand lightly. "Wow, she is really out of it!" She then bent down to open a locked cabinet next to her and took a key out of her breast pocket. She unlocked the doors and pulled out a bag with a needle inside. She ripped out the needle and injected the liquid inside into Casey forearm.

The feeling caused Casey to wake up immediately in panic. "What's going on? Where am I?"

Virginia pushed the hair out of Casey's eyes and answered her questions, "You're in the hospital honey. You almost had a stressed induced miscarriage."

"Wait, is it okay? The baby?" asked Casey worryingly.

"Of course! But…You're having twins!" said Virginia.

Casey eyes widened and her breath was caught in her throat. "I'm sorry, twins?"

Virginia nodded, "Yep!"

Casey remained expressionless for a moment before bursting into tears, "Great! John's dead and I'm having freaking twins! Can life get any better?"

"Well, I'm done here so I'm going to go…" said Virginia slowly back out of the room leaving Melinda and Olivia to handle the crying Casey.

"Look Casey, it's going to be fine! We'll be there to help you no matter what!" said Melinda moving closer to the hospital bed.

"No, it's not! I loved him, and the last time I saw him, I was yelling at him! The last moment he remembers of me is my hormonal self," said Casey shoving her face into her hands.

"Look Casey, he didn't think you were really mad at him," said Olivia.

"How do you know?" asked Casey fiercely.

"He told me what happened. He also told me he was planning on visiting you after he got out of work," answered Olivia.

Casey looked up at Olivia with her puffy red eyes, "He never made it…"

Melinda looked down at her lap hiding her newly formed tears. "Casey, I'm so sorry. But you're not alone. Liv and I will help you through this."

"Really, you'd do that for me?" asked Casey in between sniffles.

Olivia picked up the conversation, "Of course we will!"

Melinda interrupted, "Until the end."

The girls sat in the room for a while and talked about baby names and rooms and such. The two decided to stay in the hospital for tonight, to give Casey some company. It wasn't long before they all fell asleep.

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**Author's Note: Did you like it? Ha-ha. Anyways, a few questions should be on your mind. Like why was Melinda tired? That's basically it. Well that will be answered in the new fanfiction coming out soon! I feel like I'm advertising a movie! So yeah, this is becoming sad isn't it? GOT TO GO BYE!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: So, guess what happened to me? My computer logged me out of and I had no clue what my password was! And then my mom went in for surgery and I had to take care of her and all…Anyways, I am apologizing my heart out for the lateness in this chapter. I feel terrible about this and hope you all can forgive me. **

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS!**

**Love and Lost **

Chapter Four:

A week later in the morning, Casey Novak woke up three hours earlier than her usual time puking out everything she'd eaten previously. She had already gotten used to her morning sickness. She was now currently lying on her bathroom floor crying and waiting to puke again. She went to John's funeral yesterday, which wasn't a happy time…

_Casey sat still the whole night on the brown bench watching everyone pay their respects to John. A lot of people came and left, including his four ex-wives who were all remarried except for Gwen who was still a paranoid schizophrenic. Casey didn't know some of the people who came and thought of how John would have been mad and would go on and on about it. She sat alone for a while until Olivia greeted her. _

"_Hey Casey," said Liv. _

"_Hi, Liv," replied Casey. _

"_How are you? You weren't at work today…" asked Liv._

"_Oh, I had to take a sick day. The pregnant thing is beating the crap out of me…" Casey said. _

"_Sorry Case. How's the nursery coming along?" she asked pulling her purse closer to her lap._

"_It's almost finished now; Fin and Melinda came over and helped build everything. I still need to put some decorations in it and-" Case was soon interrupted when Olivia took a small bag out of her purse. _

"_Here," she said holding it out._

_Casey opened it and found a picture of herself and John at the bar the night Marcus Damon was arrested. She was wrapped up in John's arms; they were both smiling. Casey grinned at the photo petting the glass with her thumb. Casey choked out the words, "Thank you." _

_Elliot came towards Casey and Olivia, and Olivia quickly said, "I got to go, I'll talk to you later!" Then she ran off leaving Elliot talking to Casey. _

"_What is that about?" Casey asked Elliot gesturing towards Olivia's destination. _

"_It's nothing, something just happened…" answered Elliot. Elliot then took a seat next to Casey rubbing his hands together. "Are you okay?" he asked. _

"_Yeah, it's just tough. I miss him a lot, you know?" she said still holding the photo in her sweaty palms. _

"_I know what you mean Case. I miss him and his quirky jokes too," replied Elliot with a smile. Casey chuckled at Elliot's small joke. "There's that Casey Novak smile! I'll leave now Casey, I got to talk to Liv," he said walking in the direction Liv just fled off to. _

_Casey still sat on the bench and watched the people walking past her, Fin and Melinda who were holding hands, Arthur Branch, and Judge Lena Petrovsky were just some. Casey sat on the bench playing with her dress and wiping the occasional tear off her cheek still not letting go of her photo. The clock struck 9 pm and the room was almost empty except for 4 other people besides Casey. _

_Cragen was one of the four people and after he paid his respects, he sat down next to Casey. "Hey Casey," he said. _

"_Hi," said Casey._

"_How are you?" _

_Casey was going to say "fine" like she had been saying all night to anyone that asked her that question, which was the only question people seemed to be asking. But she was sick of it, she wasn't fine! She was horrible, her love had just died and she was pregnant with her rapist's children. So instead, she just broke down. Tears flowed down her face rapidly and she fell into Cragen's arms. He let her lay there like a small child crying for her father. He didn't touch her, just stood still while she bawled in his sleeve. "I'm-I'm not-fine. I miss him so much…" cried Casey causing the other people to leave the room wanting to give them some peace. _

_Cragen listened to her words, although it was hard to do. Her cries slowly stopped for a moment and he decided to speak up, "I know it's hard for you Casey, but you have to get through this. You're going to have two beautiful children and you'll be a great mother. You'll miss John, but that's normal. You're going to be fine, even if you feel like your life is over."_

_Casey lifted up her head and stared at her shoes. She said, "I know but-"_

"_No buts, Casey. You will be fine. I have to finish some paperwork," he said getting up off the bench and walking out the door leading into the chilly outdoors. _

_Casey wiped her eyes, not caring if her makeup smeared or not and looked at the photo still clutched in her hands. She looked at the coffin she hasn't gotten closer to all night. She got all her strength together to get up off the bench and walk towards the thing she'd been ignoring all night. _

_She was now right next to it and she looked at the man lying still in front of her. He looked nothing like himself, even when Casey saw him asleep at her house. She put her hand on his and felt the cold dead hand take all the heat from her hands away. She shivered but stayed in the same spot. She cleared her throat and then said, "Uh, hey John it's Casey. . . I don't know if you can hear me or not but I thought I'd try it anyways. So…here it goes. I found out that I'm having twins; I don't know whether to be happy or terrified. Everyone says I'd be a great mother but, I'm not so sure. I mean, I'd be a single mother and everything. I really miss you John, I woke up thing morning and couldn't even go to work. Good thing this pregnancy thing is a great excuse, ha-ha. You know that was the only time I really laughed since you-died. I guess talking to you, even if you're dead, makes me feel better. You know John, earlier some people asked me what I was going to name the babies. I was thinking for girls I would name them Lillian Marie or Abigail Lee. For boys, I think Alexander David is okay, but my first choice was to name him after you John- John Ross Novak. I'm scared John, I have everything finished but I feel like there is so much more to do. I am so sorry you died John. I heard you were on your way to my place but you never made it-" Casey felt a tear slowly fall down her face and onto the glass covering the last picture she had of John. She finished, "John, I loved you. No, I love you. You will remain in my heart until the end John. Because no one you love ever truly leaves you." Casey put the photo in her purse and grabbed something small from one of the pockets. Casey pulled it out and placed it in the cold dead hand she had been holding this whole time. Casey pulled the small item up to her lips and placed a soft kiss on it, "It's a locket I had when I was younger. I want to you keep it, so that I will be with you always." _

_Casey picked up her things and walked towards the exit, turning around when she reached the door and said, "Goodbye John." _

**Author's Note: Who's excited for SVU coming back September 21****st****? And for Mariska's Emmy nomination?**

**Review to give your opinions or ideas! Oh, and Rate! (^)-(^) **


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Change of plans, I will write the specific couple fanfictions after one has been completed. It's so I remain sane. **

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS!**

**Love and Lost **

Chapter Five:

Casey was nine months pregnant and ready to give birth any minute now. She was lying in a hospital bed having contractions every 3 minutes. She was high on drugs after practically begging the nurse for some. Casey now knew why her mother always used the excuse of birthing Casey when she was younger, it really sucks. She felt like she looked terrible with all the sweat covering her pale skin. Right now she was alone in the room, but an occasional nurse would come in and check in on her.

Casey looked at the clock, how much longer could it be? A nurse then came through the door holding a clipboard and asked, "How are you feeling?"

Casey smirked and said sarcastically, "I'm just peachy, you?"

The girl blushed, "I'm sorry, it's just I'm new here and all. I don't know how to comfort women when they're in labor…I just came in to tell you that you're ten centimeters dilated, it's time."

Casey shook her head, "No, no, I can't. Not yet, I need John, I need John."

"Who's John?" asked the nurse.

"JUST GET ME JOHN," yelled Casey. The nurse walked out of the room then and walked down the hall and towards the waiting room.

She looked around and said, "Who's here for Casey Novak?"

Olivia stood up and said, "We are!"

The nurse walked over and the group began asking questions.

"How is she?"

"Are they out?"

"Is everything okay?"

The little nurse piped up and said, "She's fine, the babies aren't out and everything is okay. Well, except, she's asking for a-" She then looked at the clipboard where she'd previously written in the corner, 'John'. "-John."

Everyone was startled at the name, and remained silent until Cragen stood up and said, "He's unavailable now, but-uh-Liv, you go."

Olivia's breath got caught in her throat and she asked, "Me? But Cragen I-"

"Just go Liv, she needs you."

Olivia stood up and, reluctantly, followed the nurse into the room where her best friend was lying down clutching her hospital gown tightly in pain. She was crying in pain and then saw Olivia slowly walking towards her, "Olivia, where's John?"

"Case, he's not here, he can't come-"

"I can't do this, I got to get out of here," Casey said pulling herself up before screaming in pain. Olivia rushed over and laid her back down.

"Calm down Casey, you're going to be fine," said Olivia and grabbed Casey's hand. "You're going to be fine…"

Meanwhile in the waiting room, Melinda's leg was shaking as she was wrapped in her fiancé's, Fin, arms. "It's been ten minutes since Liv went in there, I'm worried."

Fin lightly squeezed her shoulder and said, "She'll be fine, don't worry."

Melinda shrugged, "I don't know Fin, she called out for John…"

After that nobody spoke again, they were all trying to ignore the reality. Casey thought John was still alive and she wanted him. But all the crew could do for her was to wait. All they could hear from the room was screams, screams of pain.

Twenty-three minutes later Olivia came rushing out of the room and shouted, "They're out! A beautiful baby girl and a handsome little boy! The nurse said we can come in now!"

Everyone got up and walked into Casey's room. She was sitting in the bed holding a small bundle of blankets that contained a tiny little girl. "Hey guys, come meet Lillian Marie Novak. And over there-" She pointed at a small crib with a wiggling little boy in it. "-is John Ross Novak."

"They are so cute Casey!" said Melinda reaching for the little girl in Casey's arms. Casey carefully handed her over and Melinda placed a small kiss on Lily's forehead. Fin walked over next to Melinda and lightly squeezed the little girl's cheek.

"She's got your eyes Case, and I can see some red hair on her head," said Fin.

On the other side of the room Olivia was lightly rocking little John in her arms. "Hey there little guy," she whispered to John.

Elliot was beside her and said, "Look Liv, I know it must be tough but you'll get your own baby, I promise."

Olivia looked at Elliot and weakly smiled. Casey cleared her throat, "May I have one of my kids back?" Olivia laughed and gave John to Casey. Casey smiled, "Thanks Godmother."

Olivia was startled, "Me be God mom? Really?"

Casey laughed, "Yeah, it was a tough decision deciding between the two of you-" She pointed to Melinda, "- so I was going to make you each one. You know, one gets John, the other got Lily. But then I thought I wouldn't want to separate the kids. So…Please don't get mad, but…I flipped a coin."

Elliot choked on the water he was drinking and said, "You-You flipped a coin?"

Casey shrugged, "I couldn't decide, they both helped me out in a time of need…"

For a little while longer the group talked about the new arrivals and passed Lily and John around. The even laughed a little when Lily sneezed.

But after that Casey went from being perfectly fine, to being in her hospital bed shaking. "Casey, are you okay?" asked Fin.

Casey shook her head and handed John to Fin, "Ta-tak-take Joh-John." Fin grabbed John and put him back in the crib.

Olivia walked over to Casey and said, "Case, are you-Oh my god! Casey you're bleeding!"

Casey shook her head, "No, it's just a little…" But she was wrong; by her legs was a huge puddle of blood that was now seeping through both blankets. Her head fell backwards and her face was becoming extremely pale. The heart monitor went from continuous heart beats, to one steady line.

"GET A NURSE IN HERE!" yelled Cragen.

Melinda ran over to the bed and lowered it so it became flat. Melinda began giving her chest compression until three nurses and a doctor came in and pushed her out of the way. "Get out, ALL of you!" shouted the doctor. Olivia and Melinda went to the small cribs and both took a baby with them, Melinda took John, Olivia took Lily. Elliot was right outside the door staring into the room until a nurse walked to him and slammed the door in front of his face.

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**Author's Note: OMG, I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT GETTING THIS UP SOONER! I had to work; yes a 13 year old had to work, ON HER BIRTHDAY! Then I was too tired to even use my computer. Then I worked the next day, and guess what? It was out of the kindness of my heart for being the president of the honor society so no cash. I don't mind but still… Anyway then on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I had field hockey tryouts and I was so sore. (I still am!) So, please don't be mad, PLEASE. REVIEW AND RATE!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry this is late! I had to play a lot of field hockey! Oh yeah, I made the team! Yeah as defense! We had our first game and we won 6-0 and I just had my second and third game but…I lost. Then I just had my fourth and fifth game and we CRUSHED THEM!**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS!**

**Love and Lost **

Chapter Five:

Casey heard the cries of one of her children. Struggling to get up, she slowly opened her eyes. She just got home this afternoon after having to stay in the hospital for an extra week and a half from labor complications. The twins had caused major damage causing her to bleed out. But, after two surgeries, she was all better. Finally getting up, she walked towards the nursery. Looking around, she saw that Lily was the one crying.

Cautiously picking her up, she whispered into Lily's ear, "Shh…Everything's okay baby…" Lily continued to cry so Casey did something she would normally never do, she began to sing. Lily's eyes were now closing and she was breathing heavily. Casey kissed her forehead and put her in the crib. "Goodnight my angel," she whispered before walking over to John and saying, "And goodnight my Johnny boy." She slowly crept towards the door and escaped from the nursery. Casey shut the door and leaned against it before taking a deep breath and saying, "Goodnight my kids…"

_4 years later…_

"Mommy!" yelled 4 year old Lily while flinging herself at Casey's body.

Casey woke up immediately, "Lily, what is it?"

"It's Christmas!" she shouted.

Casey sat up, "Oh yes it is….Christmas. Yay…"

"Mommy, you have to be more excited! I mean it's Christmas!" Lily replied back.

"I usually need coffee before I'm excited about anything, Lil." Casey said while pushing back her daughter's fiery red hair.

"Well, come on let's go!" Lily yelled, getting off the bed and tugging on Casey's hand towards the door.

"Let me wake up your brother first, Lily. I'll meet you in the living room. Do not, and I repeat do not, touch anything until I get there. Or else I'll will call Santa and make him take it all back, or worse, I'll give all your presents to your brother." Casey threatened.

Lily pouted, "Fine…" She folded her arms and walked towards the living room. Casey turned around and softly knocked on the door across from Lily's room.

Casey opened the door and saw John sleeping in his bed, arms squeezing a teddy bear given to him by his Grandpa Cragen. "Johnny?" Casey called almost silently while rubbing his back. John stirred in his bed and slowly opened his eyes. "Hey…" said Casey.

John groaned and turned over on his other side, "5 more min'."

Casey laughed, "Don't you want to get up now? It's Christmas."

"No, I don't want to get up…" he moaned.

Casey smiled and asked, "Why are you so tired?"

He frowned, "I stayed up late, talking to daddy."

Casey was startled, _talking to daddy?_ She asked John, "What do you mean?"

John rolled over in his bed to face his mother, "I talked to the biggest star and asked to speak to daddy and that would be my only Christmas present." He pointed to the picture on his dresser which was the same picture Olivia gave Casey at John's funeral.

Casey smiled at her little boy's idea to talk to his "father". Casey told her children that John was their dad. He _was_ closest person they had to a father and that he would have been theirs if he hadn't died. The children now call him daddy or sometime just dad. Casey believed that even though John wasn't their _father_, he could their dad. Whenever Lily or John asked about their dad, Casey would just pretend that Marcus Damon never existed and she would tell them all about John.

Little John spoke up, "I asked him why he left us. I know he died but, how?"

Casey sat on John's bed and pulled John in warm embrace. She kissed the top of his head and said, "You know that daddy was a detective and he had a very dangerous job, right?" Johnny nodded. "Well, he was in the middle of a really important case and their prime suspect fled to Canada, or so he thought. You see, daddy was really aggressive to this guy because daddy thought that he committed a really bad crime. So this guy didn't really like daddy. Meanwhile I was an emotional wreck because of being pregnant with you and Lily. Your daddy and I got into a fight at work and I still didn't tell him about the pregnancy. But, your Aunt Liv said that he knew. Daddy died on his way to my place to talk to me about me and him and about you guys, who at that time I thought was just you."

"That still doesn't explain how he died," Johnny said.

Casey frowned, "Right…It doesn't…Well, you remember that guy that didn't like daddy? Unfortunately, he wasn't in Canada. He was looking for daddy. He found daddy on his way to my house and he-" Casey took a deep breath, "He shot daddy, daddy died right there."

Johnny sniffled, "Oh…" Changing the subject, he said, "Let's go downstairs and open some presents before Aunt Liv, Aunt Melinda, Uncle Fin, Uncle Elliot and Grandpa Cragen get here!"

Casey got off the bed and picked up her big boy and walked towards the living room where Lily was on the ground just staring at the tree with presents under it. "What took you so long? I'm dying here!" Lily said.

Casey put John down and Johnny ran towards the tree along with his sister. The two began shredding the wrapping paper searching for presents. After an hour of present opening, there was a knock at the door. Casey got up from the couch and walked towards the door. Through the peephole, she saw her friends with handfuls of presents. Casey opened the door, "Hey everyone! Johnny, Lily, get over here!

Lily and Johnny came over each holding a stuffed animal, Johnny holding a dinosaur and Lily holding a bunny. The two both yelled out when they saw their "family". "Auntie Liv and Mel! Uncle El and Fin! Grandpa!"

The two ran into the arms of their relatives, Johnny running towards Elliot and Lily running towards Liv. Lily let go of Olivia's legs and went towards Melinda. "Hi Auntie, how's Kennedy?"

Melinda smiled and kissed the top of the baby who was snuggled up in a carrier attached to Melinda's front. "She's fine, how about you?"

"Look at all my presents!" Lily shouted tugging Melinda towards the tree.

_12 hours later_

Lily and John had opened all of the presents, even the new ones the squad had got them. They were sitting on the floor playing with them until Casey sent them to bed. All the adults were on the couch now chatting away about their lives.

"So, when are you due Liv?" inquired Casey.

"2 weeks," said Olivia smiling patting her belly. "It'll be 2 very, very long weeks."

Casey looked at Olivia, "That's the same week as your wedding anniversary."

Olivia sounded slightly annoyed, "Yeah, yeah…the due date is on our anniversary, the 11th."

Melinda laughed, "Wow, boy or girl?"

Olivia shrugged. "I'm not sure, we didn't want to know," she said gesturing to Elliot.

Fin was holding his little daughter Kennedy so she was sitting up in his lap. Casey pointed to Kennedy with the same hand her glass of wine was in, "She's so cute, I just want to eat her up!"

Melinda kissed the top of her daughter's head, "I know."

Lily came near the adults, "Mommy?"

Casey smiled at her little girl, "Yeah honey?"

"I can't sleep," she said rubbing her eyes.

"Okay, honey, I'll be right there," Casey said gesturing her daughter to go back to her room. Casey then looked over to the others, "I'll be right back." Casey walked into Lily's bedroom and shut the door behind her. "Okay, what's wrong?"

Lily half-smiled, "I'm worried about school."

Casey chuckled, "School? You don't have to go back for a while!"

"I know but, Mrs. Parkhurst gave us a project to do and I...well, I've been having problems doing it," Lily said.

"Okay…What is it about?" inquired Casey.

Lily looked down at her lap, "It's a family tree." She pulled a sheet of paper off her nightstand and showed Casey it, "See, there's you, daddy, Johnny, Auntie Liv with Uncle El, Auntie Mel with Uncle Fin and Grandpa Don." She turned the paper over and said, "We also had to write about a memory we had with each of our relatives. I was talking to Johnny last night and he said he was going to talk to you about how we never got to talk to daddy."

Casey looked away, "Hon, I know you haven't had any memories with daddy and I can't help that. But, I have had something planned for a while. Ok? Get some sleep baby."

Lily laid down and snuggled with her new bunny, "I love you mommy."

Casey smiled, "I love you too." Casey left the room and went back towards the SVU crew.

Liv grinned at Casey, "How is she?"

Casey simply replied, "Okay. She asked about John."

Melinda stood up and enveloped Casey into a hug, "I'm so sorry Casey."

Casey softly cried into Melinda's shoulder, "Me too, me too."

**Author's Note: You can even love me or hate me. **


End file.
